Over the last week I traveled twice for student film shoots. Once to Tucson & once to Flagstaff. Both quick and easy day trips that took four hours round trip that make you realize, we are not as far from the rest of the world as we may think. The sights are gorgeous and you can’t beat an Arizona Sky. As for the on camera experiences, hmm – one was a phenomenal experience and one was eh? Both were learning experiences and had completely different feelings of interest in the work. Needless to say, happy to have had the opportunities but still on the fence about what it all means. As an actor, I recognize my journey being confusing. In 2018, I was sure I wanted to do more and I did, but what I experienced made me more confused. As I tried to gain momentum with auditions & seeking an agent, I find the static moments drive me to question my intention, my ability to stay focused. I have become very undisciplined as an actor, not doing the work, not seeking the challenges and unwillingness to dedicate the time. On the other end, I am writing more and I have returned to improvisation with a vigor, trying to regain my confidence and status on stage among my peers, in my community. Recognizing more how to meld my improvisors mind with my newly honed acting skills and excited to show off my talent in that regard. This is a great thing, as recent events & pathways of life have created an odd cliff of this life’s focus. A recognition of letting go and moving forward, at first, to do so meant letting go of my commitment to improv in Phoenix as a leader, creator and community facilitator. I have certainly recognized that I have a knack for management and as such, I got under the thumb of being a producer, juggling multiple hats and eventually neglecting the artist in me. It’s hard at this time in life, near 40 to decide I want to be an artist, let alone unsure what kind, someway, somehow. I can create, but sharing is where I fall short… This is where I get over that, this platform, the internet, building our own websites, gives us a voice, whether people find it interesting or not, it is a vulnerability, a start at that which makes us individual artists worthy of recognition.
Happy trails!
Jacque Arend 